Before a regular meditation practice, I had to be busy. I filled my life up with business; listening to radio, TV, or always doing something. I didn’t know it at the time, but I think looking back now, I was not OK being by myself. It sounds crazy, I know, but it’s really true: I didn’t like to be by myself, especially being quiet.
I had shut down the channels in my mind/body connection, so when a cold/flu/sinus infection came, I was surprised by it. I tried to fill up this incomplete “hole” in me by other things.
I believe all of us have an “incomplete part”, or dark hole that screams for us to fill it up. Some of us pick drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, or even that occasional wine, for which we tell ourselves it’s ok, we deserve it. Yoga teaches us to be ok with ourselves. To be ok when we fall out of a pose; we get back up, and realize it’ ok. Yoga starts to merge our body with our minds, and start to fill that empty hole inside of us.
Years ago, a funny thing happened: I texted what I thought was my sister, but unbeknownst to me, her number had changed, and another person (by the same first name) responded to my text. She and I started exchanging texts. She shared now she had 4 stage breast cancer. I shared I had a yoga studio, and she might find some healing in yoga. I guess she hadn’t long to live, and as we talked, she regretted not taking more time for herself when she was working full time. She said she filled up her days with nothingness, thinking at the time, that’s what you’re supposed to do.
I encourage you to live life to it’s fullest! To take that plunge, whatever you thinking about doing, it’s never too late, unless you are on your death bed. Fill up all the empty holes in your soul, until you know who you really are: all of your wonderful strengths and all your empty failings. You will be glad you did!
See you on the mat,
Paula
